Billy Mays Gets Exemption For Neverland Burial

NeverlandSANTA BARBARA – A plan to bury Michael Jackson at his sprawling Neverland ranch fizzled yesterday when the billionaire who owns the property in a joint venture with Jackson was denied an exemption by the city of Santa Barbara to bury the pop star there.

In related news, Santa Barbara’s city council granted an exemption for late TV pitchman Billy Mays to be buried at Neverland.  Mr. Mays’ estate made the request earlier this week despite the fact that there is no known connection between Mr. Mays and Jackson. 

“I voted for the extension because Billy was handsome in a masculine way that Michael couldn’t hope to achieve, that’s all,” said a Santa Barbara city councilman who asked not to be identified “for fear my friends, relatives and colleagues will call me ‘faggot.’”

Santa Barbara had plenty of precedent for its exemption for Mays.  In January 2007, Saddam Hussein’s body was transported from Iraq to Memphis, Tennessee for burial next to his idol, Elvis Presley, at Graceland.

Jul 2