Guest Commentary: “My Husband Found the Missing Link, So Why Do I Have The Sneaking Suspicion He’s The One Who Lost It In The First Place?”

carolmadGuest Commentary by Rosacea Lugosi-Hurum - When I first heard that my husband, Jorn Hurum, the supposedly brilliant paleontologist, found the “missing link,” the fossil that bridges the evolutionary split between higher and lower primates, I just shook my head and sighed.  “Let me guess why it was missing,” I said.  “Jorn lost it.”

You want to know how I knew?  Because Jorn’s a man, that’s why.  And like most men, he would lose his own meat missile and spunk holders if they weren’t attached to him. 

You think me too harsh?  By way of example only, at this very moment he’s missing his wallet, the key to our house, his wedding ring and my umbrella.  In our house, we don’t need a document destruction service.  If we want to make a document disappear, we just give it to Jorn and no one ever sees it again.

While I’m not at all surprised that Jorn lost the missing link, I am shocked that Jorn found it without a woman’s help.  That’s a first — not just for Jorn, for any man. 

Don’t believe me?  Read the Bible.  Adam couldn’t find his wallet, either, until Eve was created.   “Why are you looking in your pockets?” she chided him.  “You’re naked, man!”  She then showed him the tree stump where he had stashed it for “safe keeping.” 

And that same scene has been played out somewhere in the world every moment of every day ever since.

Remember when they were looking for weapons of mass destruction in Iraq?  They didn’t want to find them.  How do I know?  Because they sent Hans Blix to look for them, and Hans Blix is a man.

And you heard about those astronomers who couldn’t find the missing matter in the universe?  How much you want to bet they frequent urinals?

Don’t try and tell me men and women are from the same species.  I know better.  The only reason they haven’t found the “missing link” between the genders is that a woman hasn’t looked for it yet.

May 26