Monthly Archives: May 2009

TV Land Replays Lost “Brady Bunch” Episode Where Jan Falsely Accuses Greg of Rape and Mr. Brady Shoots Him to Death

HOLLYWOOD – TV Land says it will broadcast the last episode of “The Brady Bunch” for the first time since March 8, 1974, the day the show’s original run ended.  The episode, where Jan falsely accuses Greg of rape as a practical

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Posted in Entertainment

Swiss Guard Deserts Vatican After Learning Pontiff Isn’t Swiss

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Posted in International News, Religion

Frito-Lay Taps Into Religious Fanatic Market With Virgin Mary Cheetos

NEW YORK – Frito-Lay President Albert Carey said the company will target an untapped market of religious fanatics eager to find faith-based images in the company’s iconic Cheetos snack brand.  “We will produce a special line of our cheese-flavored cornmeal snack

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Posted in Business, Religion

Bush: “I Almost Picked Sotomayor”

DALLAS – Former President George W. Bush revealed that he almost nominated Judge Sonia Sotomayor to replace Justice Sandra Day O’Connor on the United States Supreme Court but ruled her out “because I thought I’d better pick a judge who speaks English.” Sotomayor, whose parents

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Posted in Legal News

Ed McMahon Settles Lawsuit Over Broken Neck

HOLLYWOOD – Ed McMahon settled his lawsuit against the parties he blamed for the broken neck he suffered in a fall last year.  At Mr. McMahon’s request, the settlement was paid in an oversized check. If the case had not settled, Jerry Lewis said

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Posted in Legal News

Wiretap Released: Burris Pleads, Promises to Give Blagojevich a Blowjob for Senate Seat

SPRINGFIELD, Ill. – On a wiretap recording released yesterday, U.S. Sen. Roland Burris pleaded with Robert Blagojevich, who headed the campaign fund for his brother, then-Gov. Rod Blagojevich, to keep Burris in mind for Barack Obama’s vacant senate seat.   Robert Blagojevich asked Burris if he would

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Posted in Politics, U.S. News

Sotomayor Silhouette Controversy!

Supreme Court nominee under fire from conservatives, parents, women’s advocacy groups; Judge defends “suggestive” pose, says it helped make the 2nd U.S. Circuit Court of Appeals seem “much more hip and fashionable”

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Posted in Legal News, Politics, U.S. News

Nurse From Times Square War Photo Reunites With Navy, Shags 19 Midshipman

ANNAPOLIS – Ninety-year-old retired nurse Edith Swayne was honored at the U.S. Naval Academy yesterday by an assembly of midshipmen after it was announced that she was the woman kissed by a sailor in Alfred Eisnenstaedt’s iconic 1945 photograph of a V-J

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Posted in Extras, History

Guest Commentary: “My Husband Found the Missing Link, So Why Do I Have The Sneaking Suspicion He’s The One Who Lost It In The First Place?”

Guest Commentary by Rosacea Lugosi-Hurum – When I first heard that my husband, Jorn Hurum, the supposedly brilliant paleontologist, found the “missing link,” the fossil that bridges the evolutionary split between higher and lower primates, I just shook my head and sighed.  “Let me

Posted in Commentary

Obama Says Gitmo Detainees To Be Transferred to Rep. Murtha’s Basement

WASHINGTON – President Obama said that the prison at Guantanamo Bay will be closed despite the Senate’s refusal to provide funding to do it, and that “money will not be an issue.”  The President announced that Rep. John Murtha of Pennsylvania will house the first wave

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Posted in Politics, U.S. News

Michael Vick’s Problems Go Back To His Childhood

“My dog ate my homework, so I electrocuted him.”

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Posted in Sports

Heroism of Soldier Who Donned Pink Underwear in Afghanistan Battle Prompts Obama to Soften Military’s “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” Policy

New policy: “It’s OK to be gay, just don’t be too proud of it.”

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Posted in War

Study: 25% of Iraqis Live in Poverty, Other 75% Live in Hoboken, NJ

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Posted in International News, U.S. News

Voice of Mickey Mouse Dies, Replacement to be Picked From Disney’s Castrati Division

HOLLYWOOD – Wayne Allwine, who provided the falsetto voice of Mickey Mouse for 32 years, has died at 62, the Walt Disney Company said today.  Disney President Bob Iger said a replacement will be chosen from among the eunuchs in the company’s castrati

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Posted in Business, Entertainment

Obama, Catholic Church Hammer Out Consensus Statement on Abortion

Thus far, the statement reads: “The fetus is a human being; no it isn’t.”

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Posted in Religion

Cheney: I Went Back In Time To Warn Americans About Pearl Harbor

WASHINGTON – Former Vice-President Dick Cheney said he went back in time to warn Americans about the Japanese attack on Pearl Harbor, but his advice was not followed. Mr. Cheney revealed details of his time-traveling mission on FOX News Sunday.

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Posted in History

Carbolic Fact Check

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Posted in Fact Check, Politics, U.S. News

Maureen Dowd Revises Title of Her Bestseller

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Posted in Gender News

Biden Leaks Location of VP Bunker

WASHINGTON – Vice President Joe Biden leaked the classified location of the secret hideaway his predecessor, Dick Cheney, used in the days following the Sept. 11, 2001, attacks. Biden told dinner guests at the Gridiron Club dinner that in the Vice President’s

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Posted in U.S. News

Count Dracula’s Notre Dame Speech Calls For Both Sides to “Stop Demonizing Each Other”

SOUTH BEND, Indiana – Count Dracula met his critics head on and defended his centuries-long practices of Satanic rituals, brutal murders and other acts of unfathomable evil in a commencement address at America’s leading Roman Catholic university that implored the graduating class to “stop reducing those whose conduct you

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Posted in Extras
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