GULF OF ADEN – Somali pirates seized The Good Ship Lollipop yesterday along the sunny beach of Peppermint Bay and are holding the adorable, curly-haired juvenile female captain hostage, according to the latest news release from Somali Pirate Today!
A recent addition to the publishing industry, Somali Pirate Today! is a trade journal for Pirates that provides daily updates on happenings in the Pirate community.
It is believed the Pirates were able to board the vessel using the element of surprise while the Captain and her crew were watching bon bons play.
Details of a possible rescue are unavailable as we go to press, but one U.S. intelligence office, speaking on condition of anonymity, said time is running out.
“Our only hope is that the Pirates become mesmerized when the sugar bowl does a tootsie roll on a big bad devil’s food cake, which compels them to eat too much. With a little luck, they’ll awake with a tummy ache, and our sharpshooters can take it from there.”