Notre Dame Defends Dracula Invitation

count-draculaNOTRE DAME, Indiana – The University of Notre Dame, still reeling from criticisms about inviting President Obama to speak on campus, defended its selection of Count Dracula as this year’s principal commencement speaker.

Critics charge that the Transylvanian vampire’s centuries-long practice of Satanic rituals, brutal murders and other acts of unfathomable evil are contrary to the teachings of the Catholic Church.

“Well, I’ll concede that the Count may not be the ideal choice to give a speech about church doctrine,” said Rev. John Jenkins, the University’s President. “But he’s coming to give a commencement speech, and since he’s long been a figure of tremendous international prominence, I’d say the Notre Dame community should count itself lucky.”

Notre Dame has agreed to the request of Count Dracula’s advance team to cover up all religious symbols when the famous vampire comes to speak. “Count Dracula’s request shouldn’t be considered in any sense a slur against the Catholic Church,” Rev. Jenkins explained. “It’s just that, being undead and all that, religious symbols could  kill him.”

Apr 20