Sonny Cured! Doctors Say Ritalin Breaks Bird of Cuckoo Craving for Cocoa Puffs

sonny_cocoapuffs1NEW BEDLAM - In a stunning medical breakthrough sure to send shock waves  through the world of advertising and ornithology, doctors announced yesterday that Sonny, the Cocoa Puffs Bird, has been cured of his cereal-induced hysteria.

The solution? None other than Ritalin, the magic drug used to treat hyperactive children around the world.

“It appears Sonny suffers from what experts call ADD. And the sight of that delicious sugary chocolate breakfast food triggers something in his bird brain that causes him to react in a spastic, violent, seizure. But now that we’ve given him the Ritalin, those days are over.” So said Hyperactive Children and Fowl Specialist Dr. Andre von Erdna.

To prove his point, Dr. von Erdna placed a bowl of Cocoa Puffs in front of his patient. After attempting to stifle a yawn, Sonny, in a barely audible voice, uttered four words: “Cocoa Puffs. How nice.” 

Reporters gasped, and then, realizing what they had just witnessed, erupted in loud cheers. 

“We should have been pumping him with Ritalin a long time ago.”

Dr. von Erdna lamented the years wasted on costly, painful, and unsuccessful treatments.

“When I think of how many times I applied those jumper cables to Sonnys testicles, or beat him senseless with a garden hose in an effort to help him kick his Cocoa Puffs habit, it just burns me up.”

Mar 19