Carbolic Flashback: May 31st, 1944: FDR, Hitler Make Friendly Wager on Outcome of Normandy Invasion

normandyWASHINGTON - Franklin Delano Roosevelt and Adolph Hitler have placed a friendly wager on the outcome of this week’s Normandy invasion, according to a press release issued by the White House yesterday.

According to the release, if the Allied Expeditionary Forces prevail, the Fuehrer will have to send six pounds of German sausage, two pounds of sauerkraut and ten barrels of Munich beer to the President’s Hyde Park residence. If, however, the Allies are, as Mr. Hitler predicted, “thrown back into the sea in a firestorm of shrapnel, only to drown like rats,” Mr. Roosevelt is responsible for delivering a gallon of matzoh ball soup, two pounds of extra lean corned beef and one dozen potato pancakes to the Nazi leader’s weekend retreat at Berchtesgaden.

“Needless to say, both sides are pretty excited about this matchup. We’ve got our work cut out for us,” said Secretary of State Cordell Hull.  He explained: ”To beat a country in a World War once is difficult, but twice in the same century is really tough. It’s always a football game when the United States and Germany get together.”

His Nazi counterpart, Foreign Secretary Joachim Von Ribbentrop, told reporters that “there was a lot of respect for the guys on those troop transports out in the English channel around here” and that there was “no danger” the Germans would take their opponents lightly.

“I really like where we are as an army right now, especially in terms of our preparation over the past week.”

The two sides are expected to commence hostilities sometime before dawn on the morning of June 6th.

Jan 14