Trash the Hay-Adams? Yes, They Can

destroyed-room

WASHINGTON, DC – President-elect Barack Obama and his wife, First-Lady-elect Michelle Obama, have allegedly trashed the $5,000-a-night suite at which they and their daughters have been staying prior to next week’s inauguration. A spokesman for the Hay-Adams Hotel says the First-Couple-elect engaged in a “rock-star-caliber rampage,” laying waste to walls and floors and several pieces of antique furniture, producing the worst damage the historic hotel has seen “since Keith Moon and The Who stayed here back in ’77.”

Hay-Adams housekeepers tell Carbolic Smoke Ball that the Obamas ripped alarm clocks and phones from their sockets, made “deep dents and gouges” in the walls, smashed beds, desks, and dressers, intentionally clogged the toilets, and spray painted “Oh, Yes We Did!” across the carpets of the hotel’s Presidential Suite. A Hays-Adams manager, speaking on condition of anonymity, described a scene of “general depravity and debauchery” in the Obamas’ suite.  

“I knocked on the door, you know, to tell them that we were getting noise complaints from other hotel guests, and Mr. Obama answered the door wearing only a jockstrap. When I asked him to please keep it down, he shouted, ‘I am a Golden God!’ and slammed the door in my face. That’s when I called the cops.”

An Obama spokesperson denied the accusations, but did note that the President-Elect has renounced the hotel, its employees, and the corner of 16th & Lafayette Streets on which it stands.

Jan 13