Kansas City Chiefs Seek Out Shoppers Who Trampled Wal-Mart Employee

LONG ISLAND, NY - Representatives of Wal-Mart and the Kansas City Chiefs are trying to find the shoppers who trampled a Wal-Mart employee at a store on Long Island on Black Friday. The worker died when eager shoppers broke down the doors and charged over him as he tried to open the store.

It was the worst stampede at a Long Island Wal-Mart since last July.

Kansas City Chiefs head coach Herm Edwards reviewed footage of the stampede and said he was “very impressed” with what he saw. Edwards said “the Chiefs need to do something to bolster our pass rush, and I think these are just the folks to do that.”

Kansas City General Manager Carl Peterson has diverted all of the Chiefs’ scouts to Long Island to find the persons responsible for the stampede, and when he finds them, he says he will plug them into the active roster so that Edwards can start them in Denver next Sunday.

Of the six persons allegedly responsible for the trampling, five are women. “I’m OK with that,” Edwards said.

Wal-Mart spokesman Noah Swayne denied that the stampede constituted senseless violence. “Actually the violence was quite sensible, because those folks were trying to take advantage of our unbeatable low prices.”

Swayne said Wal-Mart is considering using footage of the stampede in an upcoming television ad. “The whole thing has created quite a buzz. You just can’t buy publicity like that.”

Dec 1

  • About Carbolic

    “One of America’s great web sites.” Brian O'Neill, Pittsburgh Post-Gazette

    “The city’s equivalent of The Onion.” Ian Urbina, The New York Times

    “This stuff is better than The Onion.” Tony Norman, Pittsburgh Post-Gazette

    “They’re some of the world’s funniest men, and they deserve our attention.” Rick Sebak, PBS/WQED Multimedia

    Carbolic on Air

    The Carbolic Smoke Ball Report airs every Friday — mornings with Jim Krenn and Randy Baumann, afternoons with Sean McDowell — on Pittsburgh’s top-rated radio station, 102.5 WDVE. Listen to the broadcasts here, and sample the archives here.


    Carbolic in Print

    The Carbolic Smoke Ball Page publishes every Monday in the Trib p.m., the afternoon edition of the Pittsburgh Tribune-Review. Read this week's copy here, and browse our archives here.


    Contact Carbolic

    thejudge@carbolicsmoke.com

    Carbolic Smoke Ball Staff

    Tim Murray, Founder/Editor-in-Chief
    Bob Haas, Editor
    Chad Hermann, Editorial Director
    • • •
    Sean Cannon, Ace Reporter
    Neal Rosenblat, Writer/Designer
    Todd Shaffer, Staff Writer
    • • •
    Timothy Stefko, Illustrator
    The Voice, Radio Correspondent
    The Mayor, Radio Personality
    • • •
    The Hon. Judge Rufus Peckham, Founder Emeritus

    Carbolic Wear


    Carbolic WDVE Podcast