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Otzi, the world’s oldest mummy preserved in a glacier for 5,300 years, was unthawed yesterday to cheer up his brother following McCain’s loss earlier this month to Barack Obama in the presidential election.
After physicians unfroze the mummy using hair dryers, Otzi groggily opened his eyes and immediately asked for a Salted Caramel Hot Chocolate – venti.
McCain was ushered into the room and, according to Dr. Noah Swayne, the two brothers reminisced about the old days — “I mean the real old days, before there was language.”
Otzi promised McCain he would visit him after he puts on a little weight, and McCain thanked Otzi for consoling him.
“I’m not coming to Arizona to console you, you moron,” Otzi snapped. “I’m coming to warm up — I’m freezing!”
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