Corleone Family Consigliere Tom Hagen Tapped for Attorney General

WASHINGTON, DC – President-elect Obama’s choice of Corleone family attorney Tom Hagen for Attorney General is drawing fire, as House Republicans openly complain that Hagen not only is incapable of compromise but will resort to any lengths, including murder, to achieve his objectives.

“Mr. Hagen comes off as a reasonable human being, but he’s not beyond placing a horse’s severed head in the bed of a rival who disagrees with him,” said House Republican leader John Boehner of Ohio. Boehner was referring to rumors that have circulated for years that Hagen once masterminded placing the head of slain race horse Khartoum in the bed of movie mogul Jack Woltz to convince Woltz to cast singer Johnny Fontaine, godson of the late Vito Corleone, in a motion picture set in World War II.

“The Obama camp talks a lot about the need to reach across the aisle.  My fear is, if I reach across to Hagen, I could lose my arm,” said Boehner.

Obama defended his selection, noting that Hagen “can be a tough partisan but he knows how to get things done. To my way of thinking, Tom Hagen is truly a wartime consigliere.”

Nov 14