McCain Doctor: “Good Thing Obama Won; McCain is Nuts”

PHOENIX - John McCain addressed a large crowd in Phoenix last night after it became clear he would not be the next president and said, “We have nothing to fear except creeping senility.”

Noah Swayne, M.D., John McCain’s personal physician, candidly told a reporter that McCain’s words about senility applied to McCain himself.  It was “a blessing” that McCain lost the presidential election because, “in clinical terms, John McCain is a nutcase,” Dr. Swayne explained. 

Dr. Swayne said that McCain is convinced he won yesterday’s presidential election despite being told repeatedly that he lost. “I shook him by the shoulders and shouted, ‘Senator, you lost,’ at least thirty times, but all he could do was give me that blank stare.”

Insiders say that Tuesday ”wasn’t one of [McCain's] ‘good’ days.”  It started with McCain going to the polls early in the morning to vote.  When the curtain closed on the voting booth, McCain started screaming, “We’re all out of soap! We’re all out of soap!”  When the curtain opened, McCain was wearing nothing but a bathrobe and a shower cap. He later admitted to his wife that he “forgot to vote” because he was so busy washing his hair.

“Thank goodness the Bush administration was such a disaster and that we had that financial meltdown,” Dr. Swayne confided, “or we might be stuck with this lunatic as president.”

Nov 5

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