Obama Daughters Distance Selves From Their Murderous Pet Dog Cujo

CHICAGO - Barack Obama’s daughters, Malia Ann and Natasha, issued a written statement distancing themselves from their pet St. Bernard, Cujo, who is tied to several murders and acts of mayhem committed prior to being purchased by the Obamas.  Cujo’s misdeeds were so heinous that they were chronicled in a book written by Stephen King.

“Almost six years ago, or 40 years ago in dog years, Cujo did some despicable acts with which we had no involvement,” the statement said. “Cujo has no official role in the Obama family aside from an occasional game of ‘fetch’ and ’roll over, boy.’  It is unfair to judge us by our association with Cujo.”

Nov 4

  • About Carbolic

    “One of America’s great web sites.” Brian O'Neill, Pittsburgh Post-Gazette

    “The city’s equivalent of The Onion.” Ian Urbina, The New York Times

    “This stuff is better than The Onion.” Tony Norman, Pittsburgh Post-Gazette

    “They’re some of the world’s funniest men, and they deserve our attention.” Rick Sebak, PBS/WQED Multimedia

    Carbolic on Air

    The Carbolic Smoke Ball Report airs every Friday — mornings with Jim Krenn and Randy Baumann, afternoons with Sean McDowell — on Pittsburgh’s top-rated radio station, 102.5 WDVE. Listen to the broadcasts here, and sample the archives here.


    Carbolic in Print

    The Carbolic Smoke Ball Page publishes every Monday in the Trib p.m., the afternoon edition of the Pittsburgh Tribune-Review. Read this week's copy here, and browse our archives here.


    Contact Carbolic

    thejudge@carbolicsmoke.com

    Carbolic Smoke Ball Staff

    Tim Murray, Founder/Editor-in-Chief
    Bob Haas, Editor
    Chad Hermann, Editorial Director
    • • •
    Sean Cannon, Ace Reporter
    Neal Rosenblat, Writer/Designer
    Todd Shaffer, Staff Writer
    • • •
    Timothy Stefko, Illustrator
    The Voice, Radio Correspondent
    The Mayor, Radio Personality
    • • •
    The Hon. Judge Rufus Peckham, Founder Emeritus

    Carbolic Wear


    Carbolic WDVE Podcast