You eat the turkey. We’ll eat the headlines. HAPPY THANKSGIVING FROM THE STAFF OF CARBOLIC SMOKE BALL.
Monthly Archives: November 2008
The 4,000 Jews Who Failed to Show Up For Work at the World Trade Center on September 11th are Spotted Hiding Inside Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade Balloons
Arabs wonder, “What kind of Trojan Horse trick are those pesky Jews planning to pull now?”
Tagged with: 000 Jews Who Failed To Show Up For Work on 9/11, 4, Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade, Trojan Horse
Posted in Extras
Posted in Extras
“Last week, I got my copy of ‘Zombies Ate My Headlines’ by those funny guys at Carbolic Smoke Ball… Honestly, I haven’t stopped laughing since. This stuff is better than The Onion.” – Tony Norman, in today’s Pittsburgh Post-Gazette
Posted in Extras
Bush Accidentally Pardons Manson; President Worried How Foul-Up Will Affect His Legacy
WASHINGTON – President Bush accidentally issued a full pardon yesterday to convicted murderer Charles Manson in a move many scholars believe will blacken his administration’s legacy. “I’ll never be able to resurrect his reputation now,” said historian David McCullough. “I…
Workers March on Washington, Demand Permission to Put Their 401k Funds Into Social Security
“Do you know how much more money we’d have right now if the government were allowed to handle our savings instead of us doing it privately?” said Noah Swayne, worker.
Citibank Vows to Use a Portion of Bailout Funds to Correct Misspelling of Name
Citibank execs: “As soon as we get the money, we’ll finally be known as ‘City Bank.’”
192 pages. 301 fake news items. 14 zombies. One damned funny book. ____________________________ Read about it. Buy it from Amazon. Buy it from us.
Posted in Extras
Obama Admits He’s a Vampire, Asks Nation: “Are You Afraid?”
WASHINGTON – Barack Obama shocked the nation during a televised news conference last night by revealing that he is a vampire. The revelation came when Mr. Obama fielded a question from CBS news anchor Katie Couric. “Mr. President-elect, I want…
Vatican Forgives John Lennon For Jesus Quip, Refuses to Forgive Him For Yoko Ono
“One was a youthful indiscretion; the other, a mortal sin,” said Vatican daily Osservatore Romano
Bush Considers His Legacy
“I will get the man who did this,” the President said
Obama Set to Name Bill Ayers Secretary of Terror
CHICAGO – President-elect Barack Obama will announce today that he is nominating Bill Ayers to head the newly formed Department of Domestic Terror, according to sources inside the Obama transition team. The Department will have a major role in implementing…
Betty James, Co-Founder of Slinky Company, is Dead
The wiry 90-year-old attempted to walk down the stairs end-over-end, but she tumbled, made a slinkity sound, and broke her neck.
“So funny… A great book… A tremendous book… As good as anything out there.”
Pittsburgh radio icons Jim Krenn and Randy Baumann said that and more about the brand-new Carbolic Smoke Ball book, ZOMBIES ATE MY HEADLINES, on yesterday’s WDVE Morning Show. Hear their raves, find out more about the book, and be…
Ötzi, World’s Oldest Mummy, Unthawed to Console Brother, John McCain
Otzi, the world’s oldest mummy preserved in a glacier for 5,300 years, was unthawed yesterday to cheer up his brother following McCain’s loss earlier this month to Barack Obama in the presidential election. After physicians unfroze the mummy using hair…
Hollywood Trivia: Director Elia Kazan’s First Pick for Blanche DuBois in “Streetcar Named Desire” was Rosie the Robot
But RKO wouldn’t let Rosie out of contract to play opposite Bogart in “African Queen.”
Tagged with: A Streetcar Named Desire, African Queen, Blanche DuBois, Elia Kazan, Humphrey Bogart, Rosie the Robot
Posted in Entertainment
Posted in Entertainment
Bush Unveils Plan to Rebuild Republican Party
“I’m going to register as a Democrat,” the President said
Zombies Ate My Headlines won a Gold Medal at the 2009 Independent Publisher Awards as the Best Humor Book of the Year. And we didn't even have to bribe the selection committee.
