Monthly Archives: November 2008

You eat the turkey. We’ll eat the headlines. HAPPY THANKSGIVING FROM THE STAFF OF CARBOLIC SMOKE BALL.

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Posted in Carbolic News

Bullwinkle Embroiled in Controversy: Republican National Committee Paid for His $150,000 Macy’s Day Parade Wardrobe

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Posted in Extras

Carbolic Opinion Poll

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Posted in Business, Opinion Polls

The 4,000 Jews Who Failed to Show Up For Work at the World Trade Center on September 11th are Spotted Hiding Inside Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade Balloons

Arabs wonder, “What kind of Trojan Horse trick are those pesky Jews planning to pull now?”

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Posted in Extras

“Last week, I got my copy of ‘Zombies Ate My Headlines’ by those funny guys at Carbolic Smoke Ball… Honestly, I haven’t stopped laughing since. This stuff is better than The Onion.” – Tony Norman, in today’s Pittsburgh Post-Gazette

Posted in Extras

Bush Accidentally Pardons Manson; President Worried How Foul-Up Will Affect His Legacy

WASHINGTON – President Bush accidentally issued a full pardon yesterday to convicted murderer Charles Manson in a move many scholars believe will blacken his administration’s legacy. “I’ll never be able to resurrect his reputation now,” said historian David McCullough. “I

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Posted in U.S. News

Workers March on Washington, Demand Permission to Put Their 401k Funds Into Social Security

“Do you know how much more money we’d have right now if the government were allowed to handle our savings instead of us doing it privately?” said Noah Swayne, worker.

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Posted in Business, U.S. News

Citibank Vows to Use a Portion of Bailout Funds to Correct Misspelling of Name

Citibank execs: “As soon as we get the money, we’ll finally be known as ‘City Bank.’”

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Posted in Business, U.S. News

Aryan, Steeler Nations Continue to Deface Home of Jewish Woman Whose Car Struck Ben Roethlisberger’s Motorcycle

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Posted in Extras, Religion, Sports

192 pages.  301 fake news items.  14 zombies. One damned funny book. ____________________________ Read about it.  Buy it from Amazon.  Buy it from us. 

Posted in Extras

Obama Admits He’s a Vampire, Asks Nation: “Are You Afraid?”

WASHINGTON – Barack Obama shocked the nation during a televised news conference last night by revealing that he is a vampire. The revelation came when Mr. Obama fielded a question from CBS news anchor Katie Couric. “Mr. President-elect, I want

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Posted in U.S. News

Vatican Forgives John Lennon For Jesus Quip, Refuses to Forgive Him For Yoko Ono

“One was a youthful indiscretion; the other, a mortal sin,” said Vatican daily Osservatore Romano

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Posted in Pop Culture, Religion

Bush Considers His Legacy

“I will get the man who did this,” the President said

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Posted in History, Politics, U.S. News

Obama Set to Name Bill Ayers Secretary of Terror

CHICAGO – President-elect Barack Obama will announce today that he is nominating Bill Ayers to head the newly formed Department of Domestic Terror, according to sources inside the Obama transition team. The Department will have a major role in implementing

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Posted in U.S. News

Betty James, Co-Founder of Slinky Company, is Dead

The wiry 90-year-old attempted to walk down the stairs end-over-end, but she tumbled, made a slinkity sound, and broke her neck.

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Posted in Obituaries

“So funny… A great book… A tremendous book… As good as anything out there.”

Pittsburgh radio icons Jim Krenn and Randy Baumann said that and more about the brand-new Carbolic Smoke Ball book, ZOMBIES ATE MY HEADLINES, on yesterday’s WDVE Morning Show.   Hear their raves, find out more about the book, and be

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Posted in Arts, Carbolic News, Pop Culture

Ötzi, World’s Oldest Mummy, Unthawed to Console Brother, John McCain

Otzi, the world’s oldest mummy preserved in a glacier for 5,300 years, was unthawed yesterday to cheer up his brother following McCain’s loss earlier this month to Barack Obama in the presidential election. After physicians unfroze the mummy using hair

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Posted in Derision 2008, Politics, U.S. News

Carbolic Countdown

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Posted in Countdowns

Hollywood Trivia: Director Elia Kazan’s First Pick for Blanche DuBois in “Streetcar Named Desire” was Rosie the Robot

But RKO wouldn’t let Rosie out of contract to play opposite Bogart in “African Queen.”

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Posted in Entertainment

Bush Unveils Plan to Rebuild Republican Party

“I’m going to register as a Democrat,” the President said

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Posted in Politics, U.S. News
About Carbolic
“One of America’s great web sites.” Brian O'Neill, Pittsburgh Post-Gazette

“The city’s equivalent of The Onion.” Ian Urbina, The New York Times

“Carbolic Smoke Ball's rise to greatness is a tale as old as time -- which, according to Sarah Palin, is only about 6,000 years.” Randy Baumann, WDVE-102.5, Pittsburgh

“This stuff is better than The Onion.” Tony Norman, Pittsburgh Post-Gazette

“They’re some of the world’s funniest men, and they deserve our attention.” Rick Sebak, PBS/WQED Multimedia

“One of Pittsburgh's most popular blogs, and it's gaining a growing national audience.”
Pittsburgh Magazine

“Nothing is sacred for the guys who run Carbolic Smoke Ball. Nothing.” Pittsburgh Tribune-Review

How Carbolic started an urban legend. Snopes.com

The Carbolic Book Award

Zombies Ate My Headlines won a Gold Medal at the 2009 Independent Publisher Awards as the Best Humor Book of the Year. And we didn't even have to bribe the selection committee.
Carbolic Wear