In Latest Gaffe, Biden Repeatedly Stabs Woman to Death

WASHINGTON - Joe Biden made another gaffe on the campaign trail yesterday when he repeatedly stabbed to death Mrs. Velveeta Swayne-Lugosi, a 53-year-old school teacher, during a pre-election rally in Charleston, West Virginia. 

Mrs. Swayne-Lugosi was among several audience members permitted to pose a question to Mr. Biden, and she asked if Barack Obama subscribes to a Marxist ideology.  Mr. Biden glared at her for an instant, then he whipped out a large carving knife from his pants and lunged into the crowd toward her.  Mrs. Swayne-Lugosi put her arms up to her face and screamed “oh, no.”  Mr. Biden proceeded to stab her no fewer than 30 times about the chest and neck before guards were able to pull him away. Mrs. Swayne-Lugosi was pronounced dead at the scene.

Mr. Biden’s latest gaffe will not cause him to be removed from the campaign trail, said Obama adviser David Axelrod.  “Sure, Joe is gaffe-prone, there’s no question. And there are those moments when he says something ridiculous or, like tonight, when he stabbed that woman, and you say to yourself, ‘Wow! Why did he do that?’ But at the end of the day, all we know is that the American people have taken to Joe, and that his upside is fantastic, which is what matters.”

Mr. Axelrod added that the Obama campaign extends condolences to Mrs. Swayne-Lugosi’s family.

Oct 30

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