Obama Cures His Grandmother

Madelyn Dunham no longer ill, no longer a racist

RENO, NV - Sen. Barack Obama made a triumphant return to the campaign trail yesterday, one day after curing his grandmother, 85-year-old Madelyn Dunham, of her recent illness and of her life-long racism.

Dunham, whom Obama affectionately calls “Toot,” and whose occasional use of cringe-inducing epithets he fondly recalled in his landmark “A More Perfect Union” speech, was seen walking briskly through her Honolulu neighborhood last night, often stopping to chat amicably with black men who passed her on the street. Forty-eight hours earlier, that scene would have been impossible.

“It’s a miracle,” Obama told a cheering crowd of more than 8,000 supporters, “and it’s all because of me.”

The Illinois Senator explained that he’d originally gone to Hawaii to visit his grandmother “one last time, just in case,” but then realized that he “was the change she’d been waiting for.”  

“I grasped her hands and lifted her up, and she stood on her own feet,” Obama said. “And then I called out in a loud voice, ‘I command you, aching hip, and you too, typical whiteness, come out of this woman, and never go into her again!’ And so was she cured.”

“Nothing can drive out these kinds of things — grave illness, the sin of prejudice, the scourge of conservatism — except prayer. And me,” Obama said. “If I can save my wonderful, sick, racist grandmother, I can save us all.”

Oct 27

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