HOLLYWOOD - King Arthur, leader of the Britains, conqueror of the Saxons and head of the Round Table, an exclusive Knight-club dedicated to questing, jousting, defending virtuous maidens, and performing selfless acts of chivalry, told Dr. Phil yesterday that he suspects his wife is having an affair with his best friend.
King Arthur made his remarks during a taping of the Dr. Phil television show scheduled to air this Friday.
“I think my wife is sleeping with my best friend, and I don’t know what to do about it,” he said. “If I confront my wife, I will lose her. If I confront my friend, I lose my kingdom. Sometimes I wish I never pulled that sword out of the stone.”
King Arthur said he suspected something was amiss when he found Sir Lancelot’s chain mail under his bed. A preview tape of the show was unavailable for critics, but a spokesman for Dr. Phil said the popular therapist “pulled no punches” when it came to providing a solution to the King’s dilemma.
“He told Arthur he’s got to get real, and he’s got to get real real quick,” said the spokesman. “It was pretty emotional. Believe me, having the son of Uther Pendragon sobbing on your couch is a very uncomfortable experience.”
King Arthur left Dr. Phil’s studio without comment. Calls to Camelot seeking comment from Queen Guenevere and Sir Lancelot were not returned.