Greenspan to Congress on Economic Crisis: “Good Luck With That!”

WASHINGTON – Retired Federal Reserve Chairman Alan Greenspan appeared before the House Oversight Committee to testify about the economic meltdown.

“The economic crisis? Well, good luck with that!” Greenspan chortled to surprised lawmakers. “Looks like I got out just in time, doesn’t it?”

When pressed by contentious committee members as to whether he bore any responsibility for the economic collapse, Greenspan leaned back in his chair, placed his hands behind his head, and put his feet up on the table. “Well, I guess it’s like this: I kind of wonder what this new man does all day,” a reference to Greenspan’s successor as Chair of the Federal Reserve, Ben Bernanke.

 ”It’s none of my business, but if I were you, I’d have somebody tail him for a week, see what he’s up to.”  Lawmakers exchanged confused glances. “My guess is, he’s playing the ponies.”  Greenspan winked at the committee members. “Now, are we done here?”

Greenspan seemed surprised when one lawmaker noted the magnitude of the losses suffered by financial institutions that had invested in subprime mortgages. “Hundreds of billions?” Greenspan whistled. “I don’t know if you realize this, but that’s some serious change.”

Approximately one hour into his testimony, Greenspan removed his jacket and shirt and proceeded to put on a Hawaiian floral shirt. “Don’t mind me,” said the barechested ex-Fed chief. “I need to be ready to bolt and meet the missus at Chilli’s for happy hour. 

“But I do have some parting advice for these bankers,” he said, sternly pointing at the lawmakers. “They need to be more careful with all that money.”

Oct 24