Town Hall Meeting Enlivened by Arrival of Professor Harold Hill; Obama, McCain Agree on Evils of Pool, Need for More Marching Bands

RIVER CITY - Both Senator John McCain and Senator Barack Obama were able to put aside their many differences last night and agree that the time has come to eradicate a vice that has the young people of this fair Midwest American town in its grips: pool.

“Oh, you’ve trouble, right here in River City,” said Senator John McCain.  “With a capital ‘T’ and that rhymes with ‘P’ and that stands for pool!”

Senator McCain launched into his anti-pool tirade in response to a question posed by Professor Harold Hill, a peripatetic music man who makes his living selling instruments.  Professor Hill wanted to know what both men saw as the greatest threat to the moral well-being of American youth.  Senator Obama quickly agreed with this opponent.

“I’m thinking of the kids in the knickerbockers, shirt-tail young ones, peeking in the pool hall after school, folks.  What do they see?  Libertine men and scarlet women!”

Senator Obama promised that if elected he would make Federal funding for boys’ marching bands a top priority in the first budget he submits to Congress.

“And I’m going to put you in charge of all the money, Professor Hill,” he added, inciting wild applause.

“Not to be outdone, Senator McCain vowed to deploy American military forces in response to the danger of unsupervised pool.  “With five brigades, we can wipe out the threat of pool and win this battle once and for all.”

Oct 8

  • About Carbolic

    “One of America’s great web sites.” Brian O'Neill, Pittsburgh Post-Gazette

    “The city’s equivalent of The Onion.” Ian Urbina, The New York Times

    “This stuff is better than The Onion.” Tony Norman, Pittsburgh Post-Gazette

    “They’re some of the world’s funniest men, and they deserve our attention.” Rick Sebak, PBS/WQED Multimedia

    Carbolic on Air

    The Carbolic Smoke Ball Report airs every Friday — mornings with Jim Krenn and Randy Baumann, afternoons with Sean McDowell — on Pittsburgh’s top-rated radio station, 102.5 WDVE. Listen to the broadcasts here, and sample the archives here.


    Carbolic in Print

    The Carbolic Smoke Ball Page publishes every Monday in the Trib p.m., the afternoon edition of the Pittsburgh Tribune-Review. Read this week's copy here, and browse our archives here.


    Contact Carbolic

    thejudge@carbolicsmoke.com

    Carbolic Smoke Ball Staff

    Tim Murray, Founder/Editor-in-Chief
    Bob Haas, Editor
    Chad Hermann, Editorial Director
    • • •
    Sean Cannon, Ace Reporter
    Neal Rosenblat, Writer/Designer
    Todd Shaffer, Staff Writer
    • • •
    Timothy Stefko, Illustrator
    The Voice, Radio Correspondent
    The Mayor, Radio Personality
    • • •
    The Hon. Judge Rufus Peckham, Founder Emeritus

    Carbolic Wear


    Carbolic WDVE Podcast