O.J. Jury to Seek Payback for Roman Polanski’s Crime, Chappaquiddick, Church’s Treatment of Galileo

LAS VEGAS - The twelve jurors who convicted O.J. Simpson of armed robbery,  an adjudication that Simpson’s lawyer Yale Galanter called payback for Simpson’s murder acquittal in 1995, were spotted boarding a plane to France last night where they planned to exact payback for fugitive motion picture director Roman Polanski’s sexual assault of a minor in 1977.  Polanski was convicted of the crime but fled the United States before sentencing.

“We’re going to make things right for the little girl that monster raped,” said a juror who asked not to be identified.  He refused to say what the jury planned to do to Polanski but promised “it will be something lingering, with boiling oil in it, I fancy.”

After France, the jurors plan to head to Hyannis Port, Massachussetts, where they will “make things right” for the family of Mary Jo Kopechne, the young woman who drowned when Senator Ted Kennedy drove off a bridge and then failed to report the accident to police for ten hours.

Then, it’s off to pay a visit to former umpire Don Denkinger, who wrongly called Royals’ Jorge Orta groundout a hit in the ninth inning of Game 6 of the 1985 Series, which helped the Royals capture the series over the Cardinals.

And then they will head to Wall Street to “hold some people accountable” for the economic meltdown.  Then it will be off to the Vatican “for a little payback over that whole Galileo business,” explained a juror. 

“O.J. was the tough one.  The Vatican and Wall Street will be a piece of cake.”

Oct 7

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