Bill Maher Develops Stigmata; Comedian Attributes Wounds of Christ on His Body to Allergic Reaction

HOLLYWOOD - Comedian Bill Maher was forced to cancel public appearances in support of his new film Religulous this weekend after he mysteriously developed wounds to his hands, forehead and side eerily similar to the wounds suffered by Jesus Christ during His arrest and crucifixion.

Mr. Maher discovered the wounds while shaking hands with Larry King on CNN’s Larry King Show Friday night.  Mr. King recoiled at Mr. Maher’s touch and accidentally wiped blood on his suspenders.  Mr. Maher began apologizing and offered to pay for Mr. King’s dry cleaning.

It’s probably just an allergic reaction to some bad shellfish I had the other day,” said Mr. Maher, before collapsing with what he described as searing abdominal pain.  “It’s like a lance is shredding my skin and wrapping itself around my intestines,” he cried.

A spokesman for Mr. Maher said the sudden arrival of stigmata on Hollywood stars is nothing new.  “Abbott and Costello went through this stuff all the time.  So did Red Skelton,” said Henry Mooreapostesee of Creative Artists Management.  “When they did their last picture, Abbott and Costello Meet The Heretics But and Lou were sweating blood right until the last day of shooting.”

Mr. Maher’s scheduled visit to Mother Angelica’s EWTN show has been postponed according to a EWTN official “until Hell freezes over.”

Oct 6

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