Prof. Higgins Vows to “Make a Vice President Of That Barbarous Wretch” Sarah Palin

ST. LOUIS - Every day since the Republican National Convention, Professor Henry Higgins has tutored Sarah Palin to speak fluently on domestic and foreign policy issues in the hope of proving his boast that  “I’ll make a vice president of that barbarous wretch.”

Insiders reveal that Higgins brutally reprimands Palin during their daily sessions.  In a recent mock debate he challenged her to cite specific examples of how John McCain has pushed for more regulation over financial institutions.  Palin’s answer, ”I’ll try to find you some, and I’ll bring them to you,” prompted a a typical Higgins tirade:  “You incarnate insult to Democracy!”  

“A woman who utters such disgusting, depressing noises as you do is fit to exist only in Alaska, where her caterwauling could pass for the yipping-yapping howl of the coyote.”

Palin started to cry, and Higgins barked: “Cease this detestable boohooing instantly.”

Palin later told a reporter that the intense tutoring ”is definitely worth it” because it will help her achieve her goal of either becoming Vice President or getting a job in a flower shop, which she said would be “loverly.” 

John McCain was asked if he thought Higgins would succeed, and he replied:  “With a little bit, with a little bit, with a little bit of bloomin’ luck.”

Oct 2

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