Obama Supporters Give Up Son for Adoption After They Catch Him Pleasuring Himself to Sarah Palin Swimsuit Video

OMAHA - Noah Swayne, Jr., 17, became the 16th child under Nebraska’s new safe haven law to be legally abandoned by his parents. The law allows parents to sever parental relations with any child up to age 17 for any or no reason by dropping him off at a hospital.

The boy’s parents, Noah and Donna Swayne, staunch Obama supporters, explained they “had no choice” but to sever all ties with their son because Donna caught him, in her words, “relishing his hot dog” to an Internet video of a swimsuit-clad Sarah Palin competing in a 1984 beauty pageant. 

“We have always taught our former son to be completely tolerant, which means to despise and belittle anti-choice Christians, the Second Amendment, and anyone who doesn’t believe in global warming,” explained Noah Swayne, Sr.  ”The very idea that he finds that — that — gun-toting, Christian wacko to be sexually arousing was too much for us to bear, so he had to go.”

“I will say this,” Donna noted, “I hadn’t seen it in many years, but the boy does have an impressive bald-headed giggle stick.”

Noah, Jr. told a reporter he intends to make his way to Alaska with nothing but the clothes on his back and a bottle of Vaseline, “just like the kid from Into the Wild,” in the hope of meeting the Palins. 

“My goal is to knock up one of the Palin daughters just to stick it to my ex-parents,” he said.  “And I’m also going to dedicate my book to them, The Audacity of Jerking Off.”

Oct 1

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