Monthly Archives: October 2008

Carbolic Opinion Poll

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Posted in Opinion Polls, Politics

Barack Obama Knew, Often Played Charades With, Julius and Ethel Rosenberg

Barack Obama’s ties to domestic terrorists run far deeper, and are far more disturbing, than he’s been willing to admit. We uncover the shocking truth about how much the Democratic nominee for president hates the government he wants to lead

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Posted in History, Investigative Reports, Politics

Angelina, Brad Abandon Six Children Under Nebraska’s Safe Haven Law

OMAHA – Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt drove their six children from Los Angeles to an Omaha hospital today and legally abandoned them under Nebraska’s new safe haven law, which allows parents to abandon children as old as 18 at

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Posted in Entertainment, Life, Local News

Joaquin Phoenix Retires, Wants to Spend More Time With His Grandparents

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Posted in Entertainment

Local Family Lays Off Three Children

“We’re realigning structure to make the family unit more efficient and responsive, and to more strategically position our household for success in today’s challenging economic environment,” said Chief Operating Father Cornelius Dunn   

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Posted in Business, Life, Local News

Barack Obama Knew, Often Went Fertilizer Shopping With, Timothy McVeigh

Barack Obama’s ties to domestic terrorists run far deeper, and are far more disturbing, than he’s willing to admit. We uncover the truth about how much Sen. Obama hates the government he wants to lead and the country he hopes

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Posted in Derision 2008, Investigative Reports, Politics, U.S. News

In Latest Gaffe, Biden Repeatedly Stabs Woman to Death

WASHINGTON – Joe Biden made another gaffe on the campaign trail yesterday when he repeatedly stabbed to death Mrs. Velveeta Swayne-Lugosi, a 53-year-old school teacher, during a pre-election rally in Charleston, West Virginia.  Mrs. Swayne-Lugosi was among several audience members permitted to pose

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Posted in Derision 2008, Extras, Politics, U.S. News

Barack Obama Knew, Often Went to the Movies With, Lee Harvey Oswald

Barack Obama’s ties to domestic terrorists run far deeper, and are far more disturbing, than he’s willing to admit. We uncover the shocking truth about how much the Illinois Senator really does hate the government he wants to lead and

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Posted in Derision 2008, History, Investigative Reports, Politics, U.S. News

John and Sarah Make a Porno

PHOENIX – The McCain-Palin campaign has run out of money, and on Monday the Republican candidates were evicted from their Phoenix campaign headquarters.  To inject desperately needed cash into their moribund run for the White House, McCain suggested to Palin that they make their own amateur

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Posted in Derision 2008, Politics

Bank That Issues Giant Novelty Checks Goes Under; Future of Big Cash Prizes in Jeopardy

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Posted in Business, U.S. News

Joe the Plumber, Josephine the Plumber to Wed; Happy Couple Say They Share Hatred of Democrats, Love of Comet Cleanser

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Posted in Derision 2008, Politics, Pop Culture

Plot to Assassinate Obama Foiled; Lead Skinhead Arrested

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Posted in Derision 2008, Politics, U.S. News

McCain’s Brother Calls 911 to Report Emergency – Obama Might Be Elected President

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Posted in Derision 2008, Politics

Presiding Over Ceremonial Faceoff, Biden Proves He’s No Sarah Palin

“I knew I was supposed to drop something,” Biden explained

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Posted in Derision 2008, Politics, Sports

Man Finds Candy in Package of Razors, Police Investigating

PITTSBURGH – Police were called to a Shadyside home this morning after a man reported finding a piece of candy in a package of razors. “It happens every year at this time,” said Police Chief Nate Harper. “Some sick, twisted individual tries to take all

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Posted in Local News

Obama Cures His Grandmother

Madelyn Dunham no longer ill, no longer a racist RENO, NV – Sen. Barack Obama made a triumphant return to the campaign trail yesterday, one day after curing his grandmother, 85-year-old Madelyn Dunham, of her recent illness and of her

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Posted in Derision 2008, Health, Politics, U.S. News

Palin Gives Back Designer Clothes, Vows to Keep Skeletal Remains of Checkers

WASILLA – Sarah Palin took to the airwaves last night and, bowing to public pressure, agreed to return the designer clothes the Republican Party provided for her that reportedly cost $150,000. But Palin said there was one gift she would not give back.  “One

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Posted in Derision 2008, Politics, U.S. News

Obama Rushes to Hawaii to Deliver an Early Voter’s Ballot to His Gravely Ill Grandmother – “Just In Case”

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Posted in Derision 2008, Politics

King Arthur Tells Dr. Phil: “I Think My Wife Is Sleeping With My Best Friend”

HOLLYWOOD – King Arthur, leader of the Britains, conqueror of the Saxons and head of the Round Table, an exclusive Knight-club dedicated to questing, jousting, defending virtuous maidens, and performing selfless acts of chivalry, told Dr. Phil yesterday that he suspects

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Posted in Entertainment, Extras, Health, Pop Culture

Lord Voldemort Tied to Attack That Scarred McCain Campaign Volunteer

Obama disavows any connection with dark wizard.  “I was only eight years old when Lord Voldemort did some despicable things.”

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Posted in Derision 2008, Politics, U.S. News
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