With News of Bailout, Testicles on Wall Street’s Bronze Bull Return to Scrotum

NEW YORK - The testicles on the famed bronze Wall Street bull, the so-called “golden balls” that had retracted into the statue’s groin when Lehman Brothers’ declared bankruptcy, suddenly returned to the bull’s scrotum minutes after Congressional leaders and the White House agreed on a $700 billion bailout of the ailing financial industry.

Financial analysts immediately hailed the event as “The Miracle of the Golden Balls.” 

Investor Warren Buffet predicted that from now on, struggling capitalists would make pilgrimages to the Bronze Bull in the same way that sick people visit Lourdes looking for a miracle.

“It was the most exciting thing,” said Des Moines tourist Noah Swayne, who witnessed the miracle.  “I just happened to be staring intently at the bull from behind when, all of a sudden, his [testicles] fell back into his [scrotum].”

Mr. Swayne asked a reporter to clarify his comments.  “Make sure your readers know that I wasn’t sexually aroused or anything like that looking at the bull’s [testicles].  Well, maybe just a little.  I mean they really are huge and plump . . . . So yeah, I definitely was a little bit aroused.  Well, more than a little, to be honest.”

Sep 29

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