Obama Set to Debate Himself, Expects Americans to Support Both Sides of Every Issue When He’s Finished

WASHINGTON – The first Presidential debate will go on as planned this Friday at the University of Mississippi, but with only Sen. Barack Obama participating.  Sen. John McCain announced late yesterday he was pulling out.

The Obama campaign issued a statement: “In Friday’s debate, Senator Obama will argue both sides of every issue, something he has not done previously.  At least not in the same forum.”

Obama campaign manager David Plouffe said he is “confident that after Americans hear Obama debate himself, they’ll overwhelmingly support both sides of every issue.”

It became clear McCain was pulling out of the debate yesterday afternoon when his 96-year-old mother sent the debate’s sponsor, the Commission on Presidential Debates, a note advising that Sen. McCain “has a stomach ache and cannot attend.”

A CPD staffer told Mrs. McCain that the Commission thinks the Senator “looks perfectly well.”  The quick-thinking Mrs. McCain responded: “Would you believe that his grandmother passed away, and that he needs to attend the funeral?” 

The staffer replied that McCain’s grandmother has been dead for many years, and that ”if she were alive, she’d be 120 years old.”

“Then how about this one,” Mrs. McCain interjected.  “The debate needs to be postponed so that America can reach bipartisan consensus on the economic crisis.”

“We think Senator McCain just forgot to study,” said the staffer.

For its part, the Obama campaign staff sees only one danger in having its candidate debate himself.  “We’re concerned that he’s going to end up renouncing himself,” said one Obama aide.  “It’s bound to happen sooner or later.”

Sep 25