Hells Angels, Bandidos Suspend Gang War, Will Work to Solve Economic Crisis

LOS ANGELES - Leaders of the Hells Angels and Bandidos motorcycle gangs today said they would suspend an ongoing gang war over control of the lucrative methamphetamine market and return to the nation’s capital to seek a resolution to the ongoing financial market crisis.

“It’s time to put aside partisan interests, like who shot who in the eye and that sh*t, and unite not as Hells Angels or Bandidos, but as Americans, while we seek a resolution to ongoing market instability,” said Delbert “Fuzzwack” Cleonis, Hells Angels chapter president.

Bandidos chairman Hector “Shiv” Andreackos echoed those remarks. 

“As we watch portfolio values evaporate in the second wave of subprime losses, it has become increasingly clear that the market is facing a liquidity crisis that could reverberate throughout national and international markets. Until Congress can find a means to restore investor confidence, it makes little sense to worry about whether Stockton’s meth junkies are served by the Angels or the Bandidos,” he said.

“There will be time in days to come for us to revenge the hit on brother Jeremy “Pigsticker” Flugher and the b*tch that got whacked along with him at the Super 8. For now, it is time to insist that Congress arrange a package that protects taxpayers while also steadying a shaky stock market.”

Both gang leaders said they would travel to Washington over the next four to six days, depending on traffic around St. Louis, after taking care of “unrelated business” in Indianapolis, headquarters of the Pagans Motorcycle Club.

News of the suspended activity momentarily buoyed both the Dow and Nasdaq, which each saw spikes in buying. In Washington, Federal Reserve Chairman Ben Bernanke expressed optimism at the plan.

“I think that when these guys get to D.C., members of Congress will have no choice but to listen to them,” he said.

Sep 25

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