Bush Arranges Merger Between Lehman Brothers and Spears Sisters

WASHINGTON - In a last-ditch effort to rescue Lehman Brothers from financial ruin, President Bush announced that after hours of negotiation, he has brokered a deal to merge investment bankers Emanuel and Mayer Lehman with Britney and Jamie Lynn Spears.

“Those vivacious gals will keep the brothers on their toes,” the President chuckled.  ”And because the Spears girls are loaded, both financially and otherwise, they’ll be able to help the boys through this tough time they’re having with their little bank.” 

The president said that the merger would not be ”a one-way street” but that the Lehman Brothers would lend much-needed stability to the Spears sisters, whose personal problems have been widely reported in the past year.  “I think [the Lehmans] are Orthodox Jews,” the president whispered.  “So you know they won’t take any crap from Britney and Jamie Lynn.”

A Spears family publicist said the sisters appreciate the president’s hard work in arranging the merger, but it is “not yet finalized,” and the Spears sisters “need some questions answered first.”  Chief among them: whether it’s true that both Emanuel and Mayer Lehman are more than 180-years-old.

Sep 15

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