Scientists Re-Enact Big Bang, Accidentally Create Another Universe

“Like I have time to operate a whole new universe with my schedule this semester,” said project director Dr. Noah Swayne. 

GENEVA - Late Tuesday, scientists used a multibillion-dollar atom-smasher, the most powerful ever constructed, to re-enact the Big Bang, the colossal explosion that created the universe.  Scientists fired beams of protons at one another to create collisions of subatomic particles from which they hoped to unlock the secrets of the cosmos.

But the collisions created “a lot” more energy than scientists anticipated, project director Dr. Noah Swayne said, and a parallel universe appeared above them.

“We really goofed,” chuckled Dr. Swayne in a telephone interview last night.  “Now we’re stuck with yet another universe.  I mean, what the hell am I going to do with another universe?”  Dr. Swayne’s wife picked up an extension line and began yelling, “There’s going to be some changes with this new universe – like when two people are married, the husband doesn’t go away weekends with a young blond co-worker!”

Televangelist Ernest Angley announced that he, too, reenacted the Big Bang — but after the protons fired at each other, a naked couple appeared, and the woman was eating an apple and conversing with a serpent.

Sep 10

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