Bush Readies New Orleans for Gustav, Enlists Fats Domino to Be “Human Cork” to Plug Leaks in the Levee

NEW ORLEANS - As Tropical Storm Gustav makes a beeline on New Orleans and whips itself into a full-fledged hurricane, the Bush administration is determined not to repeat the mistakes it made in dealing with the devastation of Hurricane Katrina three years ago.  President Bush traveled to the home of rock ‘n roll legend Fats Domino in the heart of The Big Easy to unveil his plan to respond to calamity in the event the city’s famous levee breaks.

Bush announced that the 80-year-old pianist, singer and songwriter, responsible for such classics as “Blueberry Hill,” will serve as a human cork to plug up a leak in the levee.

Bush assured New Orleans that if Gustav swamps the city, “I will get the man who did this.”

The President also announced “Plan B” in the event Mr. Domino is unable to plug up the levee and the city is flooded again: New Orleans will ditch the French theme and become “America’s Venice,” replete with gondoliers.  ”Except, unlike the gondoliers in Italy, ours will bathe on a regular basis,” said Bush.  The President assured Mardi Gras devotees that the city would retain the world-famous decadence of the French Quarter.  ”College boys, rest assured, young women will still lift their tops for a few worthless beads,” Bush smirked. 

“It’s actually quite a coincidence,” said the President, “but I was just saying the other day, ‘the only thing New Orleans lacks is torrents of water cascading through its streets.’  Perhaps my prayers are about to be answered.”

Aug 29

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