“American Idol” to Add Fourth Judge

NEW YORK, NY - Move over, Simon Cowell.  ”American Idol” is adding another caustic critic to its panel of judges.

Crusading jurist and bon vivant Judge Rufus Peckham will sit alongside Cowell, Paula Abdul, and Randy Jackson when the eighth season of “American Idol” premieres in January, the Fox network said Monday.

“For the past seven seasons, Simon has had to endure the experience of being the only heartless bastard at the judges’ table,” said Mike Darnell, President of Fox Alternative Programming, in a prepared statement.  ”With Judge Peckham by his side, Simon has some backup, and now there is going to be a lot more cruelty and gleeful misanthropy on the show.  We imagine the contestants will be in tears every week.”

Judge Peckham, fake news magnate and Founder Emeritus of this web site, will come out of retirement and back from the grave to join the top-rated reality competition show.  ”They made me an offer I couldn’t refuse,” Peckham said through his publicist.  ”And besides, a guy with a Messiah complex as great as mine couldn’t stay dead forever.”

Aug 26

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