Musharaff Resigns, Tells Press “You Won’t Have Pervez To Kick Around Any More,” Heads for San Clemente

ISLAMABAD - In a nationally televised address last night, President Pervez Musharraf told the people of Pakistan that he would resign the presidency effective noon today, ceding control of the executive office to Vice President Gerald Muhammad Mian Soomro Ford.

In an emotional speech lasting more than an hour, President Musharraf thanked the “silent majority” who, along with the Pakistani army and security forces, brought him into office.  He also confessed to viewers that although he received many gifts during his regime, he returned them all, save for one: a little dog named Checkers.

“But tonight, my fellow citizens, I took Checkers into the backyard and beat him to death with a shovel,” Musharaff said.  ”I offer his broken body to you as a blood sacrifice.”

With that, Mr. Musharraf placed the canine corpse on the desk in front of him and continued speaking. 

“I have never been a quitter.  To leave office before my term is completed is abhorrent to every instinct in my body.  But Pakistan needs a full-time president, particularly at this time, with the problems we face at home and abroad.” 

Mr. Musharraf then rose, handed the key to his desk and his presidential identification badge and lanyard to a Pakistani security guard, and left the palace.

A source close to Mr. Musharraf said he planned to spend the next several months writing his memoirs at the San Clemente estate of his good friend Bebe Rebozo.

Aug 20

  • About Carbolic

    “One of America’s great web sites.” Pittsburgh Post-Gazette

    “The city’s equivalent of The Onion.” The New York Times

    “They’re some of the world’s funniest men, and they deserve our attention.” Rick Sebak, PBS

    Carbolic on Air

    The Carbolic Smoke Ball Report airs every Friday — mornings with Jim Krenn and Randy Baumann, afternoons with Sean McDowell — on Pittsburgh’s top-rated radio station, 102.5 WDVE. Listen to the broadcasts here, and sample the archives here.


    Carbolic in Print

    The Carbolic Smoke Ball Page publishes every Monday in the Trib p.m., the afternoon edition of the Pittsburgh Tribune-Review. Read this week's copy here, and browse our archives here.


    Contact Carbolic

    thejudge@carbolicsmoke.com

    Carbolic Smoke Ball Staff

    Tim Murray, Founder/Editor-in-Chief
    Bob Haas, Editor
    Chad Hermann, Editorial Director
    • • •
    Sean Cannon, Ace Reporter
    Neal Rosenblat, Writer/Designer
    Todd Shaffer, Staff Writer
    • • •
    Timothy Stefko, Illustrator
    The Voice, Radio Correspondent
    The Mayor, Radio Personality
    • • •
    The Hon. Judge Rufus Peckham, Founder Emeritus

    Carbolic Wear


    Carbolic WDVE Podcast