Aquaman, Defender of the Earth’s Oceans, Arrested for Assaulting Michael Phelps

BEIJING - Police arrested a man identified only as Aquaman of Atlantis, defender of the earth’s oceans, after he burst out of the same pool where swimming sensation Michael Phelps had just won his record eighth gold medal and blindsided Mr. Phelps, knocking him to the ground. Mr. Aquaman then dragged Mr. Phelps back into the water while taunting him to race. 

“Just you and me, chump,” Mr. Aquaman yelled as he dunked Mr. Phelps’ head under the water. “Right now. Just you and me.  Let’s see how fast you really are.” 

Chinese police officers quickly circled the melee and, after a violent struggle, snared Mr. Aquaman in a net.

“What’s really creepy is that this dude [Mr. Aquaman] was hiding in the water while we were racing,” said Mr. Phelps’ teammate, Aaron Piersol.  

Insiders say the attack was prompted by Mr. Aquaman’s jealous rage over the publicity Mr. Phelps has received in the 2008 Olympic games. 

Mr. Aquaman is being detained in a holding tank.

Aug 18

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