Local Man Wants to Set Timetable for Withdrawal from Family Reunion; Wife Resists, Says Early Pull-Out Could Lead to Chaos

BROOKLYN - David Corbett is insisting that his wife Barbara set a firm time-table for withdrawal from her family reunion this Sunday.  Mr. Corbett expressed his concerns on the subject over breakfast yesterday morning.

“We simply cannot go into this thing without an exit strategy,” he said.  “We’ve got to get in and get out with as little collateral damage as possible.”

Mrs. Corbett refused to budge.  “We’re going to be there for as long as it takes.”

In the opinion of Mr. Corbett and several in-laws he has consulted, it is likely that he could get bogged down in a quagmire, especially if he allows himself to get drawn into an internecine squabble over the merits of using Miracle Whip over mayonnaise in the preparation of potato salad.

Mr. Corbett admits he is nervous.  “We’re going in with the best of intentions.  But that is not enough.  We need a well-defined plan, and we need to realize there are limits to what we can accomplish.”

Mr. Corbett argued that maintaining an open-ended presence at the reunion would be counterproductive.  “They’re going to think we enjoy these things, and then they’ll want to have another one next year.”

His wife, however, was reluctant to set a firm timetable for departure.  “I’m worried that if we leave early, there could be violence.” 

Mrs. Corbett said long-simmering tensions and factional rivalries could explode without the presence of a peace-keeping force.

“You have to realize there’s going to be an enormous amount of alcohol consumed.”

Jul 23

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