Former Sen. Phil Gramm Tries to Talk Would-Be Jumper Out of Whining About the Economy

NEW YORK - Former Texas Senator Phil Graham was summoned to the George Washington Bridge yesterday afternoon to try to talk down Noah Swayne, 33, who was perched high above the Hudson River preparing to jump.  

Swayne, married and the father of three, was depressed because he had lost his job last month in an economic downturn. 

The New York Police Department asked Gramm to assist in the hope that he would impart some “tough love” to the would-be jumper and convince him not to ”whine” about the loss of his job.  Gramm made headlines last week when he was forced to step down as an advisor to the McCain campaign because of comments accusing America of becoming a “nation of whiners” about the economy.

A police officer helped Gramm scale the bridge cables to reach Swayne, and for seven minutes Gramm lectured him that the only “recession” America faced was a “mental recession in the minds of whiners like you.”   Observers say Gramm used the words “whine” or “whiner” 119 times during the harangue. 

A police officer who asked not to be named said that Swayne grew increasingly distraught as Gramm berated him until, finally, Swayne closed his eyes and flung himself off the bridge.  Funeral arrangements are pending.

Gramm issued a statement saying that he would decline to assist the police department in any further attempts to prevent suicides.  “It is clear to me that I have become a distraction for the police department because the whiners would rather attack me than take responsibility for their whining.”

Jul 21

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