U.N. Accidentally Imposes Sanctions Against Wine Maker Robert Mondavi Instead of Robert Mugabe; Clerical Error Blamed

NEW YORK – The United Nations Security Council voted unanimously to impose harsh sanctions against Zimbabwe President Robert Mugabe yesterday “to show the despot we deplore his actions.”

But moments after the resolution passed, a Security Council intern charged with proofreading the document sheepishly admitted that the Council had, in fact, condemned the founder of the American wine industry, Robert Mondavi.

“It was my fault,” said Clarence “Skip” Himmelfarb, a summer intern at the United Nations who will be a junior at Georgetown University this fall working toward a degree in international relations.

“Boy do I feel awful.  But I’ve learned my lesson. From now on, I’m going to go over these things with a fine-tooth comb before I distribute them for a vote.”

The resolution, which authorizes the use of military force to “destroy Robert Mondavi and all that he stands for,” is binding.

Lawyers for Robert Mondavi filed a petition demanding the resolution be reformed to change the word “Mondavi” to “Mugabe” based on the scrivener’s error but the petition has little chance of success, according to Secretary General Ban Ki-moon.

“With everybody heading in different directions for summer vacation,” Ki-moon explained, “it would be a logistical nightmare to try to get the whole gang back here to vote on this thing again.”

U.S. war planes are scheduled to begin saturation bombing of the Mondavi compound in the Napa Valley in less than twenty-four hours.

Jul 15