Antarctic Ice Shelf Breaking Up, HGTV Carpenters Dispatched to Fix It

ANTARCTIC PENINSULA - A major Antarctic ice shelf is disintegrating at an alarming rate, scientists say.

“Throughout all recorded history, the disintegration of this ice proceeded at a glacial pace,” explained Dr. Samuel Blatchford, Dean of Glacial Science at the University of Antarctica. 

“But the rapidity with which the ice is now melting can only be attributed to global warming.”

United Nations Secretary General Ban Ki-moon said the situation is so dire he will dispatch carpenters from the HGTV series “Designed to Sell” to fix the broken shelf.  ”They are not only expert craftsmen, but some of them are real hunks, if you know what I mean,” said Ki-moon. 

Clive Pearse, co-host of the hit HGTV series, said the shelf will be repaired in less than one-half hour, in fact ”before the first commercial.”

Because any fix will only be temporary unless the root cause, global warming, is addressed, former Vice President Al Gore and beloved Rankin/Bass Christmas special star Snow Miser are planning a ”Save the Ice” symposium next month to find a permanent solution.

Jul 15

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