CNN Wants Its Own Deceased Icon Like Russert and Snow, Withholds Larry King’s Medication

WASHINGTON, D.C. - Jonathan Klein, president of CNN, says he has a plan “to regain ground” his network lost to NBC and FOX, which enjoyed ratings surges following the deaths of respected newsmen Tim Russert and Tony Snow.

An internal memo from Klein to high ranking CNN executives calls for the network to withhold iconic talk show host Larry King’s medication in an attempt “to create a martyr that ‘The Most Trusted Name in News’ can call its own.”

“What CNN needs is our own beloved deceased network icon,” the memo explained.  “No on-air personality at CNN is more beloved, nor closer to death anyway, than Larry King.”

Klein’s office would neither confirm nor deny the memo’s authenticity, but a CNN vice president who asked not to be named said that CBS news anchor Katie Couric auditioned for King’s job in a CNN studio on Saturday. 

“Ms. Couric was put through a battery of tests to see if she was up to the task,” according to the vice president.  The tests entailed having Ms. Couric repeatedly bark into a microphone, “Phoenix, go ahead.” And, “Seattle, go ahead.” And, “San Antonio, go ahead.” 

Ms. Couric reportedly passed “with flying colors,” prompting some CNN executives to conclude that “Larry’s job may not be all that difficult after all.”

Jul 14

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