Commentary by Carbolic Smoke Ball Editor, The Hon. Rufus Peckham

I am bursting with excitement as I write this! I am in Los Angeles today because I am coordinating tonight’s victory celebration for Sen. Robert F. Kennedy at the Ambassador Hotel. I predict the Senator will score a decisive victory in today’s California primary and that we’ll have reasons-a-plenty to celebrate tonight. 

The Senator’s aides wanted the party to be held at the Beverly Hills Hilton because they claimed the “security” is better there, but I prevailed and the party will be here at the Ambassador. (I thought the Senator might enjoy being here because this is the same hotel where Nixon wrote his Checkers speech in 1952.)

Anyway, there is no necessity for “security” of any kind. Up and down the state, the Senator is beloved by everyone. Did President Kennedy have need of security in Dallas, except for one lone nut? The President was beloved by everyone except for Mr. Lee “I Hate President Kennedy” Oswald. I am happy to report that Mr. Oswald is resting six feet under the earth, thanks to Mr. Jack Ruby, so he will not be a threat here tonight. I gave the Kennedy people my word: if the Senator has any need for security at all, I’ll provide it myself. And you heard it here first.

 In any event, I’ve made all the arrangements for tonight. He’ll address his adoring supporters and tell them “it’s on to Chicago!” I will then usher him through the kitchen because I want him to meet the oppressed and subjugated kitchen workers. I checked out the area yesterday, and it will be a perfect spot for the Senator to engage in a Q & A with some real working folks, people with beefs about all sorts of things, angry people. One young Palestinian man I spoke with said he’s looking forward to being there so he can personally let the Senator know how he feels about the Senator’s views on Israeli-Palestinian relations. That’s exactly what we need! Some real sparks! He asked me where he should stand, so I showed him the perfect spot where he can get close to the Senator.

I’ll then usher the Senator into a media room where — and I don’t think I’m speaking out of school here — he’ll announce that he’s asked me to run on his ticket as Vice President. 

 

So it’s on to Chicago! And then . . . the White House! Nothing can stop us now!

 

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