“I’m for unity and all that crap, but no, I will not do the fist bump with you.”
Monthly Archives: June 2008
Disembodied Voice of Tim Russert Guides Interim “Meet the Press” Host
“Remember…the Force will be with you…always.”
Corleone Family Applauds Supreme Court Decision Upholding Right to Bear Arms
Patriarch Vito Corleone says he hopes high court’s decision will also extend to cannoli
Networks Plan Carlin Tribute
NBC, CBS, ABC to celebrate George Carlin’s legacy with special episodes of “Law and F*#@ing Order,” “How I Met Your Motherf*#@er,” and “Shit! I’m Lost!”
Massachusetts Zoo Officials: Female Elephants Planned to Get Pregnant at Same Time
Several pachyderms days away from giving birth, will raise their babies together
17 Massachusetts High School Girls Enter Into “Pregnancy Pact”
Massachusetts high school boys get wind of plan; 472 sign up to assist.
McCain Calls for $300 Million Prize to Cure Jowls
Presumptive Republican nominee also says prizes on “Jeopardy” need to be “jacked up,” calls them a “national disgrace”
Emotional Journalists Mourn Tim Russert, Apply for His Job
WASHINGTON, DC – Journalists from around the nation converged on the nation’s capital yesterday to attend a memorial service for “Meet the Press” host Tim Russert and then applied for his job. “We have lost a valued colleague and role…
Bush Declares Iowa Federal Recreation Area
CEDAR RAPIDS, IA – President Bush visited flood-ravaged areas of Iowa today and, after catching a wave after powerful wave from breached levies, declared the entire state a federal recreation area. ”Iowans should be proud,” the President said. ”This is…
Michelle Obama Co-Hosts “The View,” Tells Audience: “For the First Time in My Adult Lifetime, I’m Really Proud of ABC”
Tagged with: American Pride, Michelle Obama, The View
Posted in Derision 2008, Entertainment, Politics
Posted in Derision 2008, Entertainment, Politics
PBS Kicks Mr. Rogers Off Air; Neighborhood of Make-Believe Faces Economic Collapse
MAKE-BELIEVE, PA – King Friday XIII, Monarch of the Neighborhood of Make-Believe, said today that PBS’ decision to eliminate Mr. Rogers from its daily schedule will have a “catastrophic effect” on the municipality’s finances. “The neighborhood has been designated as blighted,…
Bush Begs Jed Clampett to Increase Production; Prez Says Americans Need More Black Gold, Texas Tea
BEVERLY HILLS, CA – President Bush met with oilman Jed Clampett at his Beverly Hills Estate yesterday to appeal for an increase in production at Mr. Clampett’s backwoods refinery. Mr. Clampett, a once-poor mountaineer who barely kept his family fed, discussed…
Obama Disavows Black Fathers, Says They’re “Missing From Too Many Lives and Too Many Homes”
Illinois Senator says he’ll “reach out” to black mothers; vows to “personally fill as many of those voids as I can”
“South Pacific” Wins 5 Tony Awards
Weekend’s other big headlines: “All About Eve” tops at box office; President Truman announces plans to send air and naval forces to defend South Korea
Vatican Alters Policy, Canonizes Russert Immediately
VATICAN CITY - The unprecedented outpouring of grief for Tim Russert, the host of NBC’s Meet the Press who died Friday, prompted the Vatican to waive all requirements for sainthood — including the requirement that miracles be attributed to the deceased’s intercession —…
Zombies Ate My Headlines won a Gold Medal at the 2009 Independent Publisher Awards as the Best Humor Book of the Year. And we didn't even have to bribe the selection committee.
