Monthly Archives: June 2008

Clinton, Obama Share Intimate Moment at Unity Rally

“I’m for unity and all that crap, but no, I will not do the fist bump with you.”

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Posted in Politics, U.S. News

Disembodied Voice of Tim Russert Guides Interim “Meet the Press” Host

“Remember…the Force will be with you…always.” 

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Posted in Media, U.S. News

D.C. Residents Celebrate Supreme Court Decision Upholding Right to Bear Arms

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Posted in Local News, Politics

Corleone Family Applauds Supreme Court Decision Upholding Right to Bear Arms

Patriarch Vito Corleone says he hopes high court’s decision will also extend to cannoli

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Posted in Politics, U.S. News

Networks Plan Carlin Tribute

NBC, CBS, ABC to celebrate George Carlin’s legacy with special episodes of “Law and F*#@ing Order,” “How I Met Your Motherf*#@er,” and “Shit! I’m Lost!”

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Posted in Entertainment, Pop Culture

Massachusetts Zoo Officials: Female Elephants Planned to Get Pregnant at Same Time

Several pachyderms days away from giving birth, will raise their babies together

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Posted in Local News

17 Massachusetts High School Girls Enter Into “Pregnancy Pact”

Massachusetts high school boys get wind of plan; 472 sign up to assist.

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Posted in Local News

McCain Calls for $300 Million Prize to Cure Jowls

Presumptive Republican nominee also says prizes on “Jeopardy” need to be “jacked up,” calls them a “national disgrace”

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Posted in Entertainment, Politics

FCC Bans Seven Words From Carlin’s Tombstone

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Posted in Entertainment, U.S. News

Clintons Offer Plan to Unite the Democratic Party

“Hillary will be the nominee, and Obama can be her running mate.  Then, eight years from now, Hillary will support Obama for President.  No, we’re perfectly serious.“

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Posted in Politics

Emotional Journalists Mourn Tim Russert, Apply for His Job

WASHINGTON, DC – Journalists from around the nation converged on the nation’s capital yesterday to attend a memorial service for “Meet the Press” host Tim Russert and then applied for his job. “We have lost a valued colleague and role

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Posted in Media, U.S. News

Bush Declares Iowa Federal Recreation Area

CEDAR RAPIDS, IA – President Bush visited flood-ravaged areas of Iowa today and, after catching a wave after powerful wave from breached levies, declared the entire state a federal recreation area.  ”Iowans should be proud,” the President said.  ”This is

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Posted in U.S. News

Non-Stop Mourning Continues; Grief-Stricken Tiger Woods “Can’t Go On,” Will Take Rest of Year Off to Lament Tim Russert’s Death

 

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Posted in Sports, U.S. News

Experts Chime in on Bush’s Call to End Offshore Drilling Ban

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Posted in Entertainment, Politics

Michelle Obama Co-Hosts “The View,” Tells Audience: “For the First Time in My Adult Lifetime, I’m Really Proud of ABC”

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Posted in Derision 2008, Entertainment, Politics

PBS Kicks Mr. Rogers Off Air; Neighborhood of Make-Believe Faces Economic Collapse

MAKE-BELIEVE, PA – King Friday XIII, Monarch of the Neighborhood of Make-Believe, said today that PBS’ decision to eliminate Mr. Rogers from its daily schedule will have a “catastrophic effect” on the municipality’s finances. “The neighborhood has been designated as blighted,

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Posted in Entertainment, Local News, U.S. News

Bush Begs Jed Clampett to Increase Production; Prez Says Americans Need More Black Gold, Texas Tea

BEVERLY HILLS, CA – President Bush met with oilman Jed Clampett at his Beverly Hills Estate yesterday to appeal for an increase in production at Mr. Clampett’s backwoods refinery. Mr. Clampett, a once-poor mountaineer who barely kept his family fed, discussed

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Posted in Business, U.S. News

Obama Disavows Black Fathers, Says They’re “Missing From Too Many Lives and Too Many Homes”

Illinois Senator says he’ll “reach out” to black mothers; vows to “personally fill as many of those voids as I can”

Posted in Politics, U.S. News

“South Pacific” Wins 5 Tony Awards

Weekend’s other big headlines: “All About Eve” tops at box office; President Truman announces plans to send air and naval forces to defend South Korea

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Posted in Entertainment, U.S. News

Vatican Alters Policy, Canonizes Russert Immediately

VATICAN CITY - The unprecedented outpouring of grief for Tim Russert, the host of NBC’s Meet the Press who died Friday, prompted the Vatican to waive all requirements for sainthood — including the requirement that miracles be attributed to the deceased’s intercession —

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Posted in International News, Media, U.S. News
About Carbolic
“One of America’s great web sites.” Brian O'Neill, Pittsburgh Post-Gazette

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Pittsburgh Magazine

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How Carbolic started an urban legend. Snopes.com

The Carbolic Book Award

Zombies Ate My Headlines won a Gold Medal at the 2009 Independent Publisher Awards as the Best Humor Book of the Year. And we didn't even have to bribe the selection committee.
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